5 Signs that Therapy is Working
Maybe you are in therapy or questioning if therapy is right for you. You are possibly wondering if the cost of therapy is worth it or thinking that you don’t have the time to fit it into your schedule — all valid concerns when starting or sticking with it. I have outlined the benefits of psychotherapy below to illuminate some of the clues that I look for to assure a client is progressing in therapy. Therapy is not just for those who are at rock bottom, although having those rock bottom moments increase motivation to make the changes we need. Therapy can be for anyone who is wanting more in-depth knowledge of themselves or know that certain emotional areas of their life need tending to. Below are five indicators that therapy is working-
1. Your symptoms are decreasing.
Depending on what is bringing you into psychotherapy, one tell-tale sign that therapy is working is that you either feel better or you are changing your behavior. This can be tricky because sometimes, at the beginning of therapy, negative feelings can be pronounced because we begin turning toward them when we have often turned away. Eventually, as we start to access more feelings, both pleasurable and uncomfortable, we begin to develop more tolerance (and mastery) to experience and tolerate all emotions. This is one of the goals of therapy, to start to understand, identify, and communicate our emotional worlds to ourselves first and then to others to live more fully (and freely!)
2. You are thinking of things differently.
Therapy can be a place where people begin to change their perspective and shift mental frameworks that can be limiting and self-destructive. Albert Einstein, on the matter, “We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used we created them.” Often, we need a neutral party to help us see things through a different lens. (I recommend someone that is professionally trained.) This is not about giving advice. This is about acknowledging certain truths about a person’s experience, reflected from the outside, for a person to see themselves more clearly. It is hard to see what is in the soup when you are swimming in it.
3. You are learning more about yourself and the way you operate in the world. Your self-awareness is increasing.
This can be in a playful way! When we can look at ourselves and our behavior through playfulness and curiosity, we can eliminate the unnecessary suffering brought on by self-judgment and criticism; there is already plenty of that! Let’s cultivate something different! By getting curious about our reactions and relationships, we gain more freedom and choice about how we are living. We begin to shine a light on different parts of ourselves that otherwise fly under the radar. By illuminating these parts, we can start to question if this is working for us, or do we want to try something different? Ah…the beauty of choice.
4. You are executing your goals outside the therapy office.
You begin acting differently at home, at work, and in your relationships. You might be thinking, whoa, this sounds scary. It can be, for instance, maybe thinking, “If I change, will the people in my life still love and accept me?” Valid question. When we begin making the changes we truly desire, on a core level, it can threaten our loved ones. Often I coach people to communicate what they are working on with their loved ones. “Hey Mom, I’m working on setting boundaries to protect my energy levels. This might show up in our dynamic. For example, if I am not up for a chat, I am going to tell you directly that it is not a good time for me, and I will coordinate a different day that will be better.” By giving our loved ones a heads up on what we are shifting, we let them know that is it not actually about them (or something they did.) That we are intentional about the motivations and changes, we want to make in our lives, ultimately to take care of ourselves in a more sustainable way. You never know who you will inspire when you start making these essential changes!
5. You have more capacity to give and receive feedback in your relationships.
I think of this as emotional risk-taking. You may begin to share more of how you truly feel (less biting your tongue.). For instance, instead of saying you don’t care where you and your partner eat dinner, you may begin sharing your preferences more, like “I want Italian tonight.” Or, “Hey honey, we spend a lot of time at your place, and I would like us to make more of an effort to spend our time equally between both our residences.”
Therapy is a dynamic process that can some times lead us to question whether we see the effects of therapy in our lives. This is a great conversation to have with your therapist and to continue to explore in therapy. The process of therapy and the effects of therapy are not often wholly tangible or obvious. Sometimes it is helpful to look back to move forward. Questioning, “Where was I six months ago compared to now?”
Ultimately, the impacts of therapy compound, and when a person changes inwardly, the outward shifts can be profound. Don’t delay in getting the life you deeply desire for yourself, take your transformation process to another level, and begin therapy! You won’t regret it!