5 Ways to Help Someone with Depression
Finding yourself at a loss of how to help a friend or family member who is depressed? It can be so hard to witness someone who is not acting like themselves and feel helpless at how to help them. I mean, we have all been there at some point or another, am I right?! Keep the faith and don’t lose hope, you can help them, even if these suggestions seem significant, it is how we make someone feel that is memorable.
“Hold Space” for Your Loved One
Check your agenda at the Door. Of course it is painful to watch our loved ones suffer but pressuring them to get better (even non-verbally) is not helpful. Try to avoid future planning, advice giving, and just attempt to be in the “yuck” with them.
Sit with them- simply spend time with them without wanting them to be different than the are. Watch a movie together. Read on the couch next to them.
Offer to Go for a Walk with Them- There are countless physiologically benefits to being outdoors, including mood improvement. Pointing out things that are pretty in nature can help shift towards a more neutral/positive mindstate.
Ask clarifying question to help you understand the situation. “Am I getting this right?” “Help me understand…”. Let go of judgement, criticism, and pressure.
Honor their need for physical and emotional space. If they want to be by themselves, let them. Maybe let them know, “I totally get it and know that I am here if you need me.”
Refrain advice giving unless they specifically ask for it.
Reinforce that you care and that they are not alone.
Take care of YOURSELF- eating, sleeping, exercise, nutrition, etc. Fill your glass first. It is easy with a suffering loved one to think that “they need me” or “I don’t have time to exercise with my loved one suffering so bad.” Not true, in fact it is more important than even to amp of your self care when times are hard.
Take space for yourself when you hit your limit. If you find yourself burnt out, depleted, or annoyed then it is time to take a break. Setting some limits on how available you are to your suffering loved one is NOT selfish. Insert Boundary Here. “I’m going the step out for a few hours because I need some time to myself. If something comes up please contact your father. I’ll be away from my phone.”
Validate Their Feelings
Saying Things Like: “I get down too.” “We can navigate this together.” “Your depression isn’t scaring me away.” “That makes complete sense”. “I can only imagine what that felt like for you.”
Cook Them a Healthy, Mood-Altering Meal
Yes! We hear it everywhere, the foods we eat impact our MOODS! Whenever I feel down, I go the WONDER PRESS IN BOULDER, CO and get a BRIGHT juice. VEGETABLES help!
Co-regulation
Sometimes when people are very low energy, it is helpful to be in the same room as someone, simply for the biological impacts on there nervous system. You can help assist them with finding calm regulation by”
Make Eye Contact
Consciously Taking Slow, Deep Breaths while sitting with them. Deep Belly Breaths
Use a calm voice and slow down your speech slightly
Use open and engaged body language
Plant your feet on the ground and hold part of your attention on the sole of your feet making contact with the floor below.
Offer up a “Both, And” comment.
“I know that it sucks to be this depressed AND I have faith that you will heal in your own time.” Or “Having no motivation or energy is the worst AND I completely believe that you will make it through this. Acknowledging that both are true. That both realities can exist at the same time: 1. Depression sucking and 2. Hopefulness about a positive change. And actually BELIEVE THAT THEY WILL GET BETTER!
Having a loved one who is suffering is hard to watch. At times, most of us wish we could fix our loved one or feel powerless in watching them suffer. Unfortunately, you can not make the changes for them. Also, they may need some professional help so don’t be afraid to enlist some help!
Control what you actually can control (yourself…) and don’t lose hope!