How to Cope with Overwhelming Emotions and Strong Negative Feelings
Do you sometimes have overwhelming emotions and don’t know what to do? Find yourself on the edge of a breakdown scared that you might do something you regret? We’ve all been there. And for some we might go there more often than others.
I have outline of the skills summarized from Marsha Linehan’s Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) to build “distress tolerance.”
Distress Tolerance is a therapy term for how well we manage our internal emotional state in stress-inducing situations. I don’t know about you, but I have BEEN there completely and utterly to the breaking point due where I feel like a child. I remember one experience of not being paid on time (and not being told that the checks weren’t ready) and holy crap, it was like I reverted to a seven year old having a freaking tantrum. And this was not that long ago!! Luckily, no one was around, and I was able to get curious about it. And yes, build the SKILLS to help myself regulate when triggered. Like anything, we need to PRACTICE new ways of being in the world. I suggest you take notes or have these skills somewhere accessible for when emotional overwhelm comes your way again.
The distress tolerance skillset comes in when situations are hard to solve or not easy to navigate. This is for people with overwhelming, engulfing feelings or regular uncontrollable emotions. (This is not for instances of abuse- if you feel you or a loved one is being abused, call the authorities, tell a teacher, doctor, or trusted professional.)
The goal of the following skills are to help you to get through a crisis and get back to baseline typically it could last around 20 minutes, give or take.
Start with the first skill and work your way down.
STOP SKILL
Stop- Take a Pause
Take a Look Around
Observe
Proceed with Mindfulness
TIP SKILL
Activate your Diving Reflex which happens in the spinal cord BEFORE the brain. This is a set of reflexes that are activated when our face is cooled (such as by the water during a dive) or if we hold our breath. The diving reflex is a clever physiological mechanism enabling the body to manage and tolerate a lower level of oxygen.
TEMPERATURE: Drop your body temp with ice cold water. Either jump in a cold shower or plunge your hands into an ice bath.
INTENSE EXERCISE: Run around the block fast, take yourself to physical extreme
PACED BREATHING AND MUSCLE RELAXATION- square breath. Imagine breathing in a square. Inhale up the left side of the square, exhale across the top of the square, inhale down the right side of the square, exhale across the bottom of the square. Then, breath only through your nose while doing square breathe, then had add your eyes the imagine following along the square.
Then move on the Distraction Skills (this does not mean avoiding, use this skill to get you back to a regulated state when highly distressed or upset.
ACCEPT SKILL
ACTIVITIES (affordable, cheap, accessible) Maybe make al list in advance (this is called “Coping Ahead” because when we are highly unregulated we do not have access to higher level thinking. Make it easier on yourself and think of five activities in advance.
CONTRIBUTING (call a friend and check on them, donate $5 online to a charity of you choice, clean out a drawer in your house.
COMPARISONS (compare yourself to the younger version of yourself- to see how far you have come
EMOTIONAL OPPOSITES (introduce a different emotion stimulus like watching stand-up comedy)
PUSHING AWAY (put a pin in it. Intentionally, make a choice to step away from distressing situation and an agreement to come back when you are more grounded.
THOUGHTS- Disrupting negative/self-destructive thinking patterns may intentionally changing you thinking focus, do Sudoku, write the alphabet backwards, do a mind-puzzle game.
SENSATIONS- introduce an intense sensation (non-harmful) like holding an ice cube in your hand for two minutes. Self-Soothe through the 5 senses:
Visual: look at pictures of nature
Sound: listen to relaxing Zen sounds
Taste: Eat fresh foods
Smell: Essential oils, smelling citrus rind
Touch: Self massage, light stretching, bath
It is not easy to make changes. Set yourself up for success and maybe make some notecards withwhat resonates with you through this article, and implement some “coping ahead” strategies. Make a plan of how you are going to handle your next emotional upset. Be gentle with yourself as you PRACTICE doing things differently because it is a practice! You got this! Click below if you would like to ask any question or work together.